My Twitter profile simply states: Attempting to tell my story through parenting and adoption while allowing my children to tell their own stories.
The Twitter character limit truly forces clarity.
While, basically, the reason I write is to work out my own story while connecting with others, I acknowledge it is never that simple. In marriage, we are connected. In family, we are connected. In this world, we are connected. Essentially, our connections, the precious people who come into our lives, challenge us. How we respond to that challenge affects who we become and potentially expands our ability to give to others.
If I had never met my husband, I hate to think of who I would currently be because he has challenged me, consistently, over the past eleven years. Being in a solid relationship with him, requires me to change. And I’m only better for it. If I’d never met our first child, I wouldn’t have my current capacity to listen to people around me, see their emotions behind their mask, and carefully respond in ways they can absorb. He is teaching me that! One of my children has taught me to slow down and watch the miracle happen. Another son has taught me every minuscule interaction is an opportunity to prove my commitment. For him, the greatest gift is often the gift of the mundane- which is- the opposite of chaos. How I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to realize he could not get comfortable in our family until I was consistent (and even boring). Without my two sons who came home to our family as older children, I would have even more limited understanding of the pain associated with a depth of experience children should always be protected from. Without those two, I would have relied on myself, and my skills, to do this parenting thing and I would have made myself look like a good parent. With my actions, I would have proven myself capable- to the detriment of my family. Parenting would have been all about me, my ability, and my need for external validation. Two of my sons have essentially reminded me of two truths I have always claimed to believe: I can’t do this without God. I can’t do this without others. Without our youngest son, I would be stuck pondering depth, when we should be laughing and playing as a family. He’s challenged me by requesting my clumsy self on our dance floor (ie. living room rug) several times each day because I am his favorite dance partner. While he loves to listen to Tamela Mann, he prefers me to sing her songs (while he does interpretive dance). He reminds me that while I’m never going to be perfect, I am his mom. And I’m who he needs.
It wouldn’t be fair to my family for this blog to be about them. They are imperfect, but what I’m finding more than ever is that their imperfections highlight my more disturbing imperfections. Marriage has it’s challenges. Raising children has its challenges. Raising children who are adopted, in our experience, has unique challenges few people understand. My hope is that rather than use this space to point out the challenges my loved ones are presenting me with, I use to to share how I respond to my loved ones. My response to my loved ones IS my journey. It reveals how far I’ve come, and, often, how far I have to go.
Coffee Colored Sofa: What's in a Name
